I am only 24, and I am suffering right now. In jail alone, with months of more pain ahead, it seems unbearable. Yet I also know that there are countless years ahead of joy, feasting, love and peace. When those years come, what will today’s suffering mean to them? Even the value of freedom in contrast to prison will have faded.

I will have a wife, children, a house, car, jewelry, a nice job, and I’ll be overtaken by that life and responsibilities that go with it.

The present pain will be a flash. It will be gone. It’s so hard to believe, because today as I write this,  it hurts…so, so much.

Is there any way to dumb down today’s pain with the picture of the coming years? I try, but it just brings a “flash” of peace before my pain squeezes my heart again.

How can I remove today’s pain? The pain isn’t in the body, but it’s in the mind. But the mind feels pain because of the bodies location. As long as the location (jail) remains the same, how can the mind change? Even sleep and dreams are a shallow assistance.

Hope is comfort. But even hope is blind, and not accurate.

Lack of care will help longer than hope. Lack of care to my fate. Forgetting life outside and the urge to reunite with it. Also lies. Lies help, saying I have 25 years to do makes the truth seem relieving and merciful.

And as you lie, bullshit and waltz carelessly through time, one day they’ll say go home. But let’s not think of that, because that’s hope.

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[Image attributed to: https://www.flickr.com/photos/robby_schulze/7166633333 Robby Schulze]
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