So. Something VERY interesting happened. I don’t really quite know how to explain it, although I guess it is somewhat obvious, but it still caught me by surprise.

So I normally dress casually when I go places. Like nothing too flashy, and when I do, I am able to concentrate on things and work and have a creative mind.

But when I wear extremely flashy, outlandish things, all of a sudden I become incredibly self conscious and my mind goes numb, my body stiffens, and my creativity lacks, almost to the point of not being there.

I suppose it’s because most people around are not dressing so flashy, so when I do, I stand out like a sore thumb and the attention gives me some version of stage fright.

It could just be my self conscious mind overreacting and overthinking such a trivial matter as wearing flashy clothes, but I guess it’s something I’m just not used to.

But what’s to get used to about wearing flashy clothes? It makes me feel as though I’m radiating some sort of message, almost in a very snide, boastful manner. It makes me feel like my clothes are yelling at everyone that I’m on the top of the world and I’m better than them, even though that is not at all what is on my mind. But it gives off that feel.

People would stare and gawk, girls would be gazing and guys would be hating. I feel like I’m starting out some sort of trend and before I know it more people will be dressing this way.

Just to paint the picture in your mind, I’m wearing all white pants, all white shirt, gold shoes, gold watch, gold bracelet, gold necklace (thin), black hat with fat gold letters saying “King D”.

For some reason, due to the self consciousness, it actually made me push away other people too. I wouldn’t look at people in fear that I’d be sending some wrong sort of message, like a challenge, or prideful putdown.

But it’s all so inconvenient because this is the way I like to dress. I’d dress like this if I was the only person in the world, and I am honestly dressing like this just for myself, and for no one else.

If I am overthinking the entire matter and everything is made up in my imagination, then good, the most that happens is I look like a complete idiot in this writing.

But when senses roar around me feeling hostility and radiating it back, I can’t ignore the issue, I have to ponder it. I really need to stop caring or thinking about it, it’s just clothes.

I’m putting something as simple as clothes into a huge anxiety factor. Ridiculous.

Clothing is made to cover us up. But what rule on earth says that clothes has to be a certain color or shade to be “normal”?

No. I know what it is, it is completely imaginary on my part, but with some sense behind it. Whether people are staring or not does not make a difference. Although it IS true that we give off a message based on the way we dress in accordance to how things are like in society and media.

If rappers and gangsters dress a certain way, people will assume you are one if you dress like them, along with if you dress like a businessman, a soldier, a fireman, everything with some style has some form of classification, and an all white outfit with lots of gold gives off the impression of a rapper or famous person along those lines. The all white is unusual, though that’s not that big of a deal. Add some gold and that gives the impression of wealth and value, something that people take notice of.

And then the way you carry yourself, your attitude, your walk and your eyes, if it comes off as hostile, dangerous or mysterious people can feel threatened or intimidated.

Girls may be attracted to it and also think you are a somebody who has money. Guys will hate because they will feel you are a showoff and competition to their girl. Adults will assume you are some rapper, thug or hip hop artist and would probably shove you into the category of “bad influence” and negativity to their family, kids and society.

All in all, just as if wearing a business suit, there will be an underlying form of respect.

I know no matter what I write, after I am done with this blog I will get up, and walk out of the restaurant of which I write and I will feel many eyes following me. I will feel like I need to have a good image and not mess up anything in some weird way. Thats what makes me stiff.

If only I knew how to not give a damn. Who cares about what they think. Am I feeling this way because I am not dressed the way I am? Perhaps my personality does not fit the display and it makes me feel awkward and naked. Maybe I just need to adjust to the look and feel. Once I am used to it then I can relax, my mind will unwind, and my creativity will set in again.

I sure hope so. It’s just hard to look at someone in a way where like, if a King with all his jewelry and his flashy clothing, walked through a road of dull covered villagers, all by himself.

Why is he dressed like a king yet is walking alone? There is something wrong with the picture.

Maybe that’s it, there’s something wrong with my picture. I am NOT successful yet, yet I dress like I am well off, in fact, practically famous.

Kings don’t walk through villages alone looking like kings.

They walk through wearing exactly the same thing the man next to him would wear, unless of course he was doing kingly duties.

Yes I rap. Yes I make music, and dress as one who does. But if I dress like a rapper when I’m not doing a video or photoshoot, it simply comes off as a costume. It’s weird. It’s an alarm to self consciousness.

Hopefully my paranoid mind unwinds and learns to relax no matter what I wear, or despite what dumb overdramatic thoughts are going through my mind.

David, relax.

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